State of the Union

I read an article on Yahoo news a few months back about a Mother who was proud of her decision to choose to leave her husband and children behind to seek her professional life hundreds of miles away. Not because she was called to serve her country, not for financial gain to benefit her family, but to seek a new life for herself -alone. She said she just decided the life she had build wasn't for her.  She willingly gave up her relationship with her husband and years with the children she loved enough to give life to.  She just left them.  I couldn't imagine this, it made me sad for the woman who was very proud of her choice. It made me feel sad for the children who probably felt not good enough.

Then last night I started to watch 'Eat, Pray, Love' and made it about 20 minutes into the movie and shut it off. I found it  impossible to relate to the Julia Roberts character. I could never imagine telling my spouse "I don't want to be married anymore"  to selfishly pursue a world wide adventure solo. 

I feel like stories and movies like this are handing out 'free passes' to those who considering divorce as a way to forfiet the game in favor of self indulgent behavior at the expense of others who have emotionally vested themselves in the relationship.  I have to say- I don't think this is acceptable, infact I think it's shameful. No relationship is completly effortless- there is some 'work' that needs to be done. Everyday isn't going to be sunshine and rainbows- get over yourself!   I do understand how dysfunctions like addictions, mental health and adultery can plague a marriage to the point of creating an environment too toxic to continue the in any way. I fail to understand how one can just give up.

Now, someday (although seriously I doubt it) I may be forced to eat my words. My marriage is not perfect, but I think that's what makes it solid. Shelby and I both have similar interests and love for each other, our children and families. We also enjoy our individual activities, but never at the expense of our husband and wife relationship.  We sometimes argue, we sometimes get annoyed with eachother and we rarely agree on what we would like to have for dinner most nights, but we do love. We joke very openly about eachothers faults, we can find the humor and hilarity in the hiccups of our day to day life and we TALK. No subject is ever off limits. We talk about everything and anything... the conversation may not always end in smiles, but we know where each half stands. I think it's that depth of understanding and openess that keeps us tightly connected.  We've been together for 10 years and married for five. I was only 17 when we started exclusivly seeing eachother.  Yes, that's young. I will probably have a fit if/when my children are seriously dating at 17, but I will also have the knowlege and hope that they might find somebody that they can love as much as Shelby and I love eachother. ...I know sappy stuff right?

I am no expert on marriage and don't have decades of experience at it, but I think I've got the fundamentals down. I take very seriously the vows we exchanged on our wedding day.  To tell you the truth, I can't tell you exactly what readings we had picked or what all was said. I do know- our union is not just Shelby and I... it's Shelby, Me & God. I know that as long as Shelby and I do what we can to keep our marriage in tact, God will help with the rest. We have been very thankful to God for the blessings that we've been given in our marriage, afterall we have three beautiful children and a solid relationship.  Family means more to us than anything. More than work, more than money, more than anything- without family to share our life with we would be lost. What else is there in this life? We have so many great people in our family to learn from and love and we are so thankful to have them in our life.  We miss those that have passed, but cherish thier memories and imprints they have left on our hearts that keep us strong. 

I had the pleasure of spending the day with Great Grandma Fox today- she was married over 50 years and stuck it out 'until death do us part.'  I'm betting things weren't always perfect, in fact I know she would probably tell me that outright. What I do know is...  she is one of the most amazing people I know and I bet she didn't get that way all by herself. She had 50+ years with another amazing person I had the pleasure of knowing.

It makes me so sad when I hear about divorce. Like I pointed out before- I understand and can personally relate to how addictions and the like can toxify a marriage, as my parents parted ways for this reason.  But when I hear of divorce and at the surface there appears to be no outstanding defficiency I always wonder- what did they do to save thier marriage?  How can you just stop loving somebody? I just don't know, I can't seem to wrap my head around it. I guess I'm glad I can't.... I don't ever want to feel that way.


1 Corinthians 13:13
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.