Merry Christmas to All!

Season’s Greetings Family & Friends,

We hope you are well and staying warm this Holiday season! It’s been another whirl-wind year for us! This year Ashton (6) is in first grade, Kiera (5) is in Pre-K half days, and Owen (3) has begun attending the three year old program at the Cumberland Elementary School two-half days a week and one day at St. Paul’s Preschool.  The school year has been packed with activities and new routines.  We’re all getting into the groove, but who knew the schedule would be so hectic?!

This Spring we spent time sprouting seeds for our garden, planting, and soaking in the warmth of the season.  Over Summer break we spent time at the lake and enjoying the area activities- summer school, swimming, playing at the park, fishing, and camping.  In July Shelby and I were able to jet off for a few days to Las Vegas for a much needed vacation!  It was so much fun- I’m sure it had to have been a dream! While we were taking in the Nevada heat the kids made some fun memories with Grandma & Papa Fox.   Before the school year we enrolled Kiera and Ashton in the youth soccer program in Cumberland. We spent a few nights a week shuffling schedules to make it work, but the season was fun and we all made new friends!  

Medically the kids are doing wonderfully.  We are on track for Owen’s future cleft related surgeries. We still have at least three more to go. He is developing well and making strides all the time.  Recently his speech has been the focus of our efforts and they are paying off! He is frequently using two word combinations and working hard to more clearly articulate his needs through words.  Ashton is growing taller and physically stronger every day! In the last eight months he has put on nearly eight pounds and three inches in height.  He’s still small for his age, but he’s gaining all the time.  It’s a blessing to see that his body is finally working for him. Both boys are now on a routine schedule with their specialists at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester.  We are thankful to have so many skilled specialists and hometown healthcare providers to be on this journey with us!   Kiera had her annual check and all is just as it should be- a happy healthy little girl.  She falls right in the middle for her height and weight.  

Shelby and I are doing great.  This year seemed to be a test of our resilience to tragedy and trust in God. We have been on the front lines of the incredible journey of raising our unique family for six years. We have been tested physically, mentally, and financially. Never could we have planned just how complicated our lives would become when raising medically challenged children. We have pulled through some really tough times and finally feel like the bits of sunshine we get during the storms are setting the stage for rainbows. 

My days are packed with my Mom duties, but my job with Adventures is a nice departure from the routine.  I really enjoy the marketing and social media management as well as the camaraderie of my coworkers- even if most of our communication is electronic!  I have continued my connections with my college and served last month on the Marketing and Business Management curriculum advisory panel.  More recently, I have been given the opportunity to work within our school district as a parent liaison to the help other parents navigate the special needs education process. It will be extreme part time, but it’s a position I look forward to. My heart goes out to those families navigating the waters of special education and I hope my knowledge of the process can be a comfort and asset to those in need.

As we celebrate Shelby’s 15th year of employment with Nexen, he will be saying goodbye to his career there.  Shelby has accepted a new position with Abrasive Specialists, Inc. in Minneapolis, MN as a Senior Application Specialist and Sales.  It’s an incredible career move that we’ve waited with much anticipation to announce! He will be beginning there after the New Year! Most of his days will be spent visiting accounts, in office, and some from home telecommuting. Shelby is really looking forward to the move and the kids and I are really looking forward to having him home in the evenings! 

2013 has been an incredible year! We have so much to be thankful for- especially your prayers, encouragement, and friendship.  We are looking forward to 2014 and the new opportunities it holds! Merry Christmas!

Love and Hugs Always,                    
 
Sarah, Shelby, Ashton, Kiera, and Owen      

2013 Fox Christmas Card

Practically Perfect

Today Kiera was looking though a toy catalog and insisted that she wanted the junior size make-up kit. I replied my standard response to her insistence on wanting products to make her more 'beautiful,' "Kiera, you are beautiful just how you are, you don't need that to make you more beautiful. God made you perfect just the way you are."

Today when I told her I felt an ugly pang of hypocrisy. The last two weeks I've fallen off the workout wagon.  I'll admit it- I'm sick of it. The last six months have been a carousel ride of routine numbers... numbers I wish would change. Working out and I have a very love/hate relationship, there are days when I enjoy the athleticism, muscle definition, and endurance required for a good work out and there are days I don't enjoy working out at all. I would rather submit to a root canal without anesthetic. The part I don't enjoy is that it requires time.  Time is a commodity for which I have dwindling supply of and the few minutes I do get to myself I don't necessarily want to spend it covered in sweat...  sometimes I would rather spend those few minutes in my sweats on the couch rather than soaked in it.

I am committed to a lifestyle of healthy diet and excersie for my health (I am quite literally running from my family history).  I eat a well balanced diet- devoid of artificial colors and sweeteners, additives, excessive carbs and fats. While good health is a great reason to live healthfully, I have also realized that deep down I am chasing an unattainable image of beauty.  Looking for the answer to become 'more beautiful.'  I know if I keep at it long enough and hard enough I will reach the goals I set for myself, but I can tell you that in my current mind set, happiness of hitting those goals will run away from me faster than bathtub water down the drain.  I don't need to hit those numbers to be happy, I need my perception of my own personal beauty to change to be happy. No 'real' time needed.

I know I have been overly hard on myself lately- after all, who doesn't deserve a few weeks off now and then? I've committed to getting back at it- so what's the problem? Over the last two weeks I have noticed that if I was doing 'nothing' to improve myself, I was feeling miserable about myself. I began looking for quick fix solutions, I began to get annoyed with those who were putting up the numbers, found a miracle drug, or were posting about being at the gym, I was sad. Instead of relaxing a little and enjoying the few extra minutes to myself, I was miserable.

I am no genius, but have figured out a few truths in my quest for beauty.  I have come to realize I will never be a size two-  my body type is not that type.  I will never have a perfectly sculpted chin- I have been blessed with a lack of a definite one.  I will never be a tall supermodel goddess type at a 5' 4" tall.  My problem was not taking a break from working out, my problem is me.  What I am versus what I'm chasing.  What I'm chasing is not real- in fact much of what I'm chasing is created by careful lighting and massive amounts of editing.   What I'm chasing is genetics I do not have.  What I am chasing is not what I am or what I will ever be.

Moving forward I want to commit to myself to do better for 'me'... not the 'me' that I can never be. I want to be able to work out and try harder to be happy for the changes I see in my body- not the body I will never have.  I will let Kiera use play make-up and my lipstick because I know I can teach her that happiness is not making yourself up to be somebody else, but always letting yourself shine though.  I want her to know how beautiful she is, because she is.  We were all made in the perfect likeness of ourselves- nobody else.  We have to come to a place where we can understand and appreciate the unique materials in which we were given to paint on, before we can truly create our own unique masterpiece. We need to be our own kind of beautiful.

At Ends

Yesterday we had our regular appointments at the Mayo Clinic, as well as one not so routine visit with a counselor from the Center for Individualized Medicine to discuss genome sequencing for Owen.  Genome sequencing is the cutting edge of genetic testing and for now it's availability is very limited to the general populations, with the exceptions of attempting to diagnose very rare genetic disorders or discovering new ways to treat cancers. More info on genome testing: http://mayoresearch.mayo.edu/center-for-individualized-medicine/clinomics-program.asp  Now, that being said- anyone could have their genome sequenced; however the cost is not yet covered by the majority of insurance companies without sufficient proof of medical necessity. 

This type of testing comes with the burden of knowing.  Our counselor indicated that they will be examining approximately 28,000 pieces of Owen's DNA.  Through this examination the researches will be able to read the story of Owen's body. This story is not a story of his life, but a story of his body. This story can be used as a field guide to his future healthcare needs.  Our hope is that somewhere in the 28,000 bits of information that the researches will extract evidence of the mutation/deletion/inclusion that has disrupted his genetic code to cause his healthcare challenges- ultimately leading to a clearer diagnosis.  A diagnosis will not likely change the 'now' for him, but will help us moving forward in planning for his future needs.  It will also aid us securing proper insurance reimbursement- as ongoing reimbursement for a collection of symptoms is a slippery slope in the insurance world without a 'diagnosis' to tie them to.  In the eyes of insurance it's similar to treating cancer without saying the patient has cancer- even when all clinical signs and symptoms are present.

Along with the possibility of finding out 'what is wrong' with Owen, we will very likely be able to also diagnose Ashton by giving the researches a very specific place to look for the quirk in genetic material.  We know the boys share the same 'quirk', Owen is just expressing more symptoms than Ashton.

The downfall of this type of testing is knowing.  Through genome sequencing we will learn as much about Owen's body as science in 2013 allows.  We will learn if he has specific genes characteristics that are tied to the worlds most documented diseases and medical disorders- even though he may not show signs/symptoms of them right now. There are established markers for Downs, cystic fibrosis, fibromyalgia, many cancers, Parkinson's, and hundreds more.   For example- [this is an example only] we may find out that he carries a gene that in 90% of cases has been identified with pancreatic cancer.  This does not mean Owen has pancreatic cancer or that he'll get it- it does however mean, that he is 90% of people with pancreatic cancer also carry the same genetic quirk and he is therefore at a much greater risk for that particular cancer than the rest of the general population. This is the testing that influenced celebrity Angelina Jolie to undergo a double mastectomy prior to the onset of breast cancer symptoms. Genome sequencing can be used as a field guide for his lifestyle choices into the future as well as future healthcare management. There are hundreds of identified gene markers for the most common diseases/disorders- we may find out information that is worrisome and difficult to digest.

The technology also enables us the power of knowing what medications Owen may respond better to in a treatment/preventative healthcare scenario.  It has been proven through genome sequencing that due to specific lines in genetic coding that some cancer patients will respond better to medication A versus medication B- saving precious treatment time and possible wasted insurance dollars. [sorry for the cancer references- it's the most generally understood disease for most people.. almost everybody knows somebody who has had cancer. It is also the most researched genome mapping area due to the billions of dollars poured into cancer research every year.]  Both Shelby and I also gave our blood samples yesterday-  if a specific gene marker is identified the researchers will then double back using our blood work and be able to 'trace' the lineage of this genetic quirk. We too are not exempt from finding out unsavory information regarding our future health risks. Through tracing the lineage we will then be able to establish the pathways of heredity transfer of the genetic disorder to Owen's siblings and their future families.  'If' Owen carries a disease gene like cancer.. he got it from somewhere- one or both of his parents.

For Shelby and I (who have been relatively healthy for the last 30+ years) it's pretty intimidating to potentially have a look into the crystal ball and face some of those risks and eventualities that the next 50+ years could hold for ourselves. It's one thing to know the risks of a loved one, but when it's your own future... when you need to live forever for your children... when they need you... when they count on you...  the test takes a whole new unappealing turn.  There are some opt outs that we could have signed, but we decided as a family we are all in.  With the knowledge there is power to change, there is power to prevent. 

It's a lot to take in- we have been researching, reading, and discussing this opportunity for nearly six months and only now have gotten to a place where we are comfortable moving forward.  For us it is the possibility of an end.  This testing has the possibility to end the world of medical wonder we live in- it also may not. It's a gamble.  We may not find out anything related to our boys conditions, because like results we have received up to this point- our boys are truly unique in our world.  There may not be any genetic markers identified for their shared medical condition, because there is truly nobody like them. We have signed the necessary paperwork for prior insurance authorization and with the green light we should have results in about six months.  We have also signed paperwork that will open Owen's genome sequenced code to medical researchers.  If we can move science forward in a way that will benefit our boys future- we're on board.

Our second appointment was with our regular endocrinologist.  We have decided to put an end to the months of speculation and wonder to the possibility that Ashton's pituitary is losing function to control his adrenal glands.  Over the last year Ashton's pituitary hormone panel has been up and down.  We need to be sure- with certainty- that we are doing what we can to make sure his body is working for him.  We have agreed to a stimulation test.  The test, by injection of chemical, will safely stress his body in a way that stimulates the pituitary to release hormones that tell his adrenals to kick it up a notch.  Over the course of an hour they will draw his blood several times to better understand how his body is reacting to stress- simulating the onset of a cold, overexertion and fatigue that you might experience on a daily basis.  When your body is exposed to these kind of stressors your pituitary releases hormones so you can keep going throughout your day without disruption-  from our daily observations and blood work monitoring we fear that Ashton's pituitary is not performing this function properly day to day.  The results of this test will give us a clear picture of his bodies abilities and in turn give us the understanding we need to help him the best we can. 

The two tests that we are moving forward with as a result of yesterdays appointments are ends.  They are ways for us to continue our journey by closing doors that have been left to blow in the breeze.  We sincerely appreciate all of your support, prayers, and unimaginable love you have extended our family throughout our extraordinary journey.  It is through faith in our path and for our god, love from our family and friends, and lots of hope for the future that we move forward and make the tough decisions. 

Love & Hugs,  Sarah & Shelby

For the first time I love you, too.

Since birth, Owens medical conditions have had a profound effect on his speech development. For nearly four years Owen and I have mostly communicated non verbally, in sign, or in very basic ‘Owenese.’  Tonight as we were sitting together on the couch he hugged me, kissed me, and for the first time ever in perfect ‘Owenese’ he said ‘I love you.’

 

Oh, my baby boy.  I have loved you from the first moment we met, before I ever saw you, before I ever knew you, before I ever knew how hard our life together would be.  I loved you. I never knew how hard it would shake me to hear those words from you until with your own beautiful voice you finally told me. 

For almost four years, together, you and I have been through all the ugly battles this world has sent our way.  Eight surgeries, eight rounds of drifting off and waking up from anesthesia, feeding tubes, cleft clinics, endless days of driving and medical appointments, daily medications and injections, and more, and more, and more to come. I have so often wondered if I would ever hear those words from you.  I know, as your Mom, that those precious words would be hard to come by and would be in your own time.  I have been the face of your pain and frustrations, the face of daily medications and injections, the face of your torment,  the last face you see before you drift off for another surgery, the face that so often is all about business.  But tonight- you showed understanding, you showed me that you know, and tonight you told me.   I love you more than this world can hold- forever and ever, Owen.  I love you, too.  

Sweet Surrender

I want to follow up my last blog with a quick blip...  mostly because I want you all to know I am still breathing, haven't devised a grand scheme to escape to a new life with an assumed identity,  and have not signed the papers on my new padded cell. Yet. ;) I also want you to know that I truly appreciate all the love and support you send my way- seriously I am one lucky girl to know so many great people.

Every night at bedtime the kids and I name one thing that we are thankful for.  Last night, Kiera, without any prompting or knowledge of the mental mess I have been said, "I am thankful that tomorrow is a new day."

BAM! She sure knows how to smack a mom upside the head! I needed to hear it.  Such a simple thing to be thankful for, but such a BIG concept for an almost five year old little girl.  A concept so big, even her grown mother couldn't grasp it until it spilled out of the mouth of a child. Kiera gets it... she understands that every day we get a new chance, a new experience, and more time to enjoy life.  Come on, Mom.. get with the program!

So, I'm going to take her cue and do my best to move past my current funk and take it one NEW DAY at a time.  I was taking too many days in at once and needed to take it out of my head and onto paper.  I was taking in the past, present, and future all at once- it can really make a mess of a person! Yes, things are a mess, they have been for almost six years... that's nothing new. Yes, I will get really mad and really frustrated with life sometimes. But, we've made it this far- through so much more than I ever could have imagined. This path hasn't been easy that's for sure and it's not going to get easier real soon, but every day we get a new chance to try again and make things better.  I've got some real BIG help now, too. I've got three little voices that are so quick to remind me of the things I've taught them, so I don't forget and lose my way. Now, even if that beautiful mountain lake is covered in fog- I have these darling little people to make even the ugliest swamp sparkle. God Bless Them!

Waving the White Flag

A while ago I wrote a blog titled ‘Beyond the rainbow’ discussing the transformation of the person I was in my teens to the person I am today and the struggle to understand how I landed where I am today.  I concluded the blog by realizing that life is a moving target and we change in accordance to what we perceive the world to be so we may make the best possible home for ourselves at that time, a place where we can be content… I got that right, because for the most part I am happy.  I love my life.  I love my children, my husband, and my family- they are my life.  But the Beatles weren’t standing in my shoes when they wrote the lyrics to “Love.” “There's nothing you can know that isn't known, Nothing you can see that isn't shown, There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be, It's easy.” 

Like the Beatles, I missed a big piece of the equation. 
I have now learned that perspective is all about your vantage point.  Despite my attempts to sort through my feelings, the piece of the equation I missed continued to exponentially add to the number of crummy days I have experienced since that post. 

Recently my vantage point has me somewhere at the bottom of the lake struggling to see the sunlight through murky water, all the while praying that I grow gills so I can merely survive drowning in the world that I have found myself in.  Despite working through some ugly feelings of a life lost in a dream months ago, even uglier feelings have moved into their place as we struggle to make every one dollar into two and ‘splurge’ on/enjoy things despite the lack of funding just so we can feel normal again.   As in all of my blogs, I want to be honest to my feelings right now- and to be honest I’m struggling to peel through some thick layers of anger and resentment. 

So,  I understand life is a moving target and we choose whether to aim for the target, hit it, settle, and coast through our existence or you can choose to stray off the trajectory to taste the sweetness or struggle that might be just beyond…  BUT what if you are shoved off the trajectory by unforeseen circumstances.. a gust of wind perhaps?  How do you cope? How do you survive? Where will you land?

It’s become painfully obvious that not only is the path you willingly or unwillingly take important, but more important is the perspective from which you see it from.  You see-  when hiking through the forest you may only look to your left, where a beautiful mountainside lake lies… but if you forget to look to the left you may only see the bramble filled swamp to your right. It’s unfortunate that the treacherous ugly swamp has been the only thing in my view, the beautiful lake view has been obscured by a thick morning fog.  There is so little space between me and the lake, but there is so much obstructing my view, so much out of my control. Like the fog hiding the sun, my mood is heavy and dark.

You see, I am a planner.  For four years I was a professional planner.  I planned every detail of the most important days of people’s lives- weddings, reunions, birthday parties…  Together Shelby and I meticulously packed and planned for our beautiful day at the mountain lake- the stage was set. We brought all the things we needed to enjoy that day.  We brought our camp, we brought our boat, we brought our spending cash so we could rent a spot for another night, we brought everything for a day at the beautiful mountain lake.  That day would be glorious. But here we are, with no lake in sight and without the means to resupply for a trip we had not planned for- all of our planning for not.

So now I sit, six tired years later trying to rob Peter to pay Paul so we can enjoy the pleasures in life we earned and so desperately deserve. In vain I balance the debt that has mounded over the past six years since the birth of our children, try to plan a vacation for ourselves, and figure out how to rebuild our children’s playground that we worked so hard for and lost last week in the storm- all with an imaginary budget that relies on more faith than funds.  I feel an overwhelming sense of resentment to the world.  For months I have quietly imploded and not until recently have projected my anger and frustrations outwardly.  I have been crabby/moody toward my husband, toward my kids, toward God, toward the world.  I’m angry and lost and I don’t know how to fix it.  And to quiet voices in my head and those who so smartly say,” life’s not fair, deal with it” - “There’s no free lunch”  -  “Why don’t you just get a job.” - “ If your so worried about how you can make ends meet and get ahead, Shelby works weeks and you can work weekends.  You won’t have to worry about daycare….  and you should be able to get ahead.” – “Sometimes you have to give up somethings to get what you really want”…

To you I scream with tears that burn with anger streaming down my face- HOW MUCH DO I HAVE TO GIVE UP IN THIS LIFE?!!   You can’t possibly understand what I’ve given up already! What do I have left to give?  WHY should I have to give up more.. can’t the ‘more’ be taken from somebody else this time? I have given up my successful well-paying career, I have given up the feeling of wealth and worth by being able to financially contribute to our household, I have given up MANY of the niceties that people take for granted, I have given up my new vehicle, I have given up the reality of ever owning a ‘decent’ vehicle again, I have given the thought of being able to finish the undone that we cannot do with our own hands in/around our home with upcycled materials, I have given up the thought of a returning to a career or to school due to the demanding medical needs and schedules of my children, I have given up my time and knowledge to always try to help others, I have given up. 

The anger and resentment seems to smack me from every angle.  It’s the parents who don’t have to balance therapy schedules against medication schedules, medical appointments and regular life activities, It’s the anger at the universe for unleashing it’s wrath on my kids world by crushing their playthings with ugly natural force while leaving every house in the county untouched, it’s kissing my husband goodbye every day for a job that pays in money and vacation days, it’s at the weird looks I get from people in public who don’t know our family,  it’s the not so silent judgement that’s passed from family that doesn’t understand why my youngest isn’t potty trained yet,  it’s at people with so much money they can buy leopard print Lamborghini’s, it’s on my facebook wall…  I can’t even tell you the level of ‘lose my shit’ I get when somebody whines about how life isn’t fair because they had to wait three extra minutes at the drive thru because their order got screwed up.  But then I realize, ‘this IS their biggest problem’ and I can’t help but feel the excruciating stab of resentment pass through me.  Oh, to not know- to not survive- to not live every day with the anxiety, fears, and anger.  I envy them, and then I resent myself… for wishing away the beautiful things and unimaginable joys in my life to trade places with a twenty-something single girl with no obligations to the world.  Oh, how ugly and unfair this world can seem.   Then they say God only gives you what you can handle- I call, bullshit.

It terrifies me to feel this way, to feel tired, to feel like I have nothing left when I have so much.  It terrifies me to constantly be riding the cusp of losing it all, every bit of what we have worked so hard to have, so hard to build, but want nothing more than to run away from it all.  I have a grave understanding of why 80% of marriages with a single special needs child fail.  It boils down to financials, you can’t make it work.  Our society sets these folks up for failure at every pass.  There is NO way that you can strive to to be in or stay in the middle class when you have a special needs child, or two. You can pray for it to work out, you can hope that the five year plan (now over six) doesn’t come back and crush your future.  You can’t plan for any of it…  It’s a disgusting truth that Shelby and I have openly joked about how we both would be better off (only financially) as divorced parents of special needs children.  The help available to single parents in our situation is unparalleled to those who choose to stick it out together.  It’s a disgrace and disservice to our entire society.  If it weren’t for our good morals, love, and unwillingness to go at this alone I don’t think we’d have a shred of regret about going Splitsville.  

The truth I’ve spilled in this blog is true and it’s sad.  There are no rainbows and butterflies here. Most of my blogs are celebratory or have some sort of revelation near the end-  this one does not.  I don’t know how to fix it... and I probably won’t be able to figure it out for quite some time.  And if it’s true that history repeats itself- This ugly feeling will be back here again someday.  I’ve written it so I can let it go for now.  With one click I can send it away, I can set it free.  I can breath and look at the world a little easier knowing you all understand me a little better. I don’t want you to feel bad for me, I’m a tough cookie and Shelby and I will work it out –we always do.  There is no plan, I don’t know if we’ll ever really have one.  We have to take these moments in stride and keep trudging forward, we’re good at it. For a fleeting moment on paper I have been able to give up so I can keep going.  It feels good.  It’s probably saved me a couple grand in therapy ;)  ..thank goodness- because I certainly don’t have the time or money for that!   

Love & Hugs Always to All of You!

Love is Love is Love.

In light of the explosion on social media regarding the Supreme Courts movements in considering the legalization of same sex marriage and aside from the cliche jabs at dysfunctional heterosexual couples for their lack of longevity in marriage,  I offer my thoughts...

I grew up in a family that included a same sex couple. This is a fact.  It's also a fact that there were never any informative or enlightened conversations within our home regarding the sexual orientation of my Uncle.  My parents simply assumed I would put the pieces together.  I don't think that they ever expected that lack of knowledge on the subject would leave me naive for years to the fact that my Uncle and his 'friend' were in fact a same sex couple.  I can only speculate that my Mothers lack of communication on this issue was simply an oversight that was overshadowed by acceptance- it didn't matter to her, and subjects that didn't matter to her were not worth her discussion. 

As I reflect on my childhood and time here on Earth that I was blessed to have known my Uncle, I know my Uncle loved me unconditionally.  A week never went by without my Mom or Dad hollering through the door to hurry up and take the long distance call from my Uncle in Chicago.  Uncle Roger never failed to call to show his love and appreciation for the mundane events of my childhood. He often used silly voices to talk to me as a way of relating to my elementary school self, convincing me I was talking with his neighbor girl, Suzy.  He was always sure to speak with each of us kids to talk about our lives, accomplishments, and events. I could have never fathomed how important that loving family connection and those calls every week were, until years later, until he was gone. When he and his partner visited us a few times a year they would bring trinkets and souviniers from the big city to share with me and my siblings. During his visits my siblings and I were eager to go on the adventures he had planned to visit local attractions and enjoyed each others company. He and his partner often cooked us meals, celebrated our Finnish heritage, and their own experiences in life outside of our small town. I have so many wonderful memories of him and his partner and the love and joy they brought to my life.

When considering the issue of same sex marriage, I am sad for those who cannot accept the reality that a person can have a relationship with another human being of the same sex that is as emotionally and spiritually intimate and unconditional as a heterosexual couple. I consider my past a fortunate enlightenment to the relationship of those living in a same sex union. It's still easy for me to reflect back on those cherished days with my Uncle and his partner and know that love was the foundation.  I fail to see the evil and sin that so many have shrouded and shamed same sex couples with. While I don't know the depth and details of my Uncle's personal relationship, I know that his union with his partner was a union to be celebrated.  The longevity of their union lasted until his passing, for better or worse, in sickness and health. If they so felt that their union was one they wanted formally recognized in our structured society, they should have been given the opportunity to express it to the extent as a heterosexual couple.  

I know my Uncle loved me unconditionally.  To even suggest that he could not love another person unconditionally would be ignorance.  So if the person he chose to love and share his life with was of the same gender, so be it! Love should be celebrated, love between all couples should be given the same formality as another. Love is not a privilege to be squandered by those clinging to their personal faith, love is universal, love is a right.

Goodnight & God Bless,

Sarah