Thankful Taker

Kiera and I were running errands in my three hour time frame in the afternoon- after I pick her up from preschool and before Shelby has to leave for work at 2pm.  We had already made a couple stops and were in a time crunch. We jumped in a checkout line with a young woman with a few items already unloaded onto the belt in front of us.  Score! This should be quick... or not.

I realized once we were already in line for a few seconds that the girl in front of us was checking out using her WIC checks. Her items were all neatly arranged by check- she had done this before, unfortunately the cashier had not.  I realized we were in this for the long haul.  Another cart had already lined up behind ours, there was no escaping to another line.  This was going to be awhile.

It was obvious that the young woman was mortified that the process was taking so long and the people in line behind us were outwardly and loudly expressing their dissatisfaction with the lengthy checkout line.  The young woman was well dressed in current clothing... she didn't look like she 'needed' to be on government assistance.  I felt bad for her and gave her a quiet smile when she dared to glance my way.  I knew full well what she was going through...

A few years ago it was our family.  We just had Owen and our world turned upside down. Our bills were mounting and our options were few.  From the perspective of others who didn't know our situation and just 'knew' us from casual interactions or driving by our home now and then we probably looked like 'opportunists' praying on government support programs. 

Sure, we are homeowners- we had a new home on 40 acres, we were dressed nice, we had nice vehicles, nice things... and then we had a child born with severe medical complications.  Our financial security blanket became threadbare. A month in the NICU burned up Shelby's vacation days and we were using Family Medical Leave days (those are without pay), we racked up miles on our cars with $4/gallon gas, eating away from home....  After we got Owen home, in the first year he had 52 medical appointments either in St. Paul or at Mayo.  That's 52 days of travelling, eating out, arranging childcare, schedules, days off, ...and the list goes on.  The things we treasured were just that, things... things that we mostly owned and things that we owed money on. Things that we would lose if our situation was to become our new life. We had no choice, we had to put our pride aside and ask for help...   

With the help of the social worker at the hospital we were set up with a mileage reimbursement program for qualifying families, we used WIC checks to help with the grocery bills, we used Badgercare for our secondary insurance to cover the co-pays for medications exceeding $1800/month plus the expensive feeding equipment Owen would need for his food pump the first year.  We were taking... Sure, when you looked at our house, our cars, our clothes- we didn't look like we needed help, but we did.  We needed help so we didn't lose what we had worked so hard for.  It was humiliating and embarrassing to have people in line behind you at the grocery store looking at you with contempt. How could I explain to them our need? Was I suppose to 'look' poor? It was tough to live with those looks, to accept that those people will never know how much you really did need the help. And it was hard not to feel guilty as I drove home in my new Grand Prix to my beautiful home to unload groceries I just bought with my WIC checks.  The roller coaster of emotions was exhausting... I deserved those 'things' I worked for.  We spent hours upon hours building our home with our hands, I worked as much as our schedule allowed and Shelby worked days of overtime to buy the car & truck we wanted.. we earned those things... and now the very things we earned were at the center of my complex.  I felt bad for owning nice things and still 'needing' from others.   I suppose our situation is quite unique, but I am certain it's not singular. 

There are other families just like ours, taking.  Not because they are leeching the system by driving their Cadillac to the food shelf, but because that Cadillac is the one thing that they have left from a life that took off in a direction faster than they ever could have imagined.  I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and remember those times when we needed...  that well dressed young woman standing in line with her WIC checks.  I'm sure she needed the help, just like us then.  Everybody has their own degree of necessity, who am I to judge?  She only had a few things set aside that she would have to pay for herself- nothing extravagant.  I noticed a bottle of nail polish and thought- good for you! ...you still need to feel normal and have some things for yourself!

The good news is, thanks to those programs- we've made it through the toughest days and we don't need them anymore.  I will never blame my children for the new normal we have found ourselves in, we are as rich as we always dreamed... rich with blessings. While being rich with blessings doesn't pay bills, it is what our world is filled with.. and that is what we truly need.

Financially we're not making a killing, but we are making it day to day.  We don't drive those nice vehicles anymore, we sold them.  Our budget doesn't flex enough for a vehicle payment, so we downgraded to a couple midgrade vehicles that work for us. We are doing our best to finish projects on the house with supplies that we already have on hand or ones that only require a small budget and our own skill and labor.  We've downsized some things- this year we sold our gigantic golf course lawnmower in favor of a nice used lawn tractor.  The surplus cash went to bills.  Our five year plan includes a carefully managed monthly deficit, until I can get back to work full-time someday. We are becoming masters at creative finance and carefully scrutinize every opportunity to turn one dollar into two.  We also remember that you have to do things to treat yourself now and then.  We dine out now and then, catch a movie, take family day trips to local attractions...  little things, little treats.  We haven't taken an exotic/destination type vacation since our Honeymoon, but maybe in time that will happen again.  Shelby's vacation days are still primarily used for doctor appointments, but this year we've been able to squirrel some of those for actual vacation breaks for short weekend trips! We're getting there...getting where?  Where are we headed? ...I think we're on course for a happily ever after, just hit some road construction and detours along the way.  We have been thankful to have found everything we need along the way to keep us moving in the right direction...

Irish Blessing:
"May God give you... For every storm a rainbow, for every tear a smile, for every care a promise, and a blessing in each trial. For every problem life sends, a faithful friend to share, for every sigh a sweet song, and an answer for each prayer."