It's not 'The Look' your probably thinking about... It's not the look your child gives you when they don't want to eat their dinner, it's not the look you get from your spouse when you ask them to take out the trash, it's not the latest craze in fashion, it's not a look you see often- unless your me.
I got 'The Look' several times today on my solo trip to the hospital with Owen. It's the look that people exchange at a funeral- a half smile on a sad face. It's the look of sympathy and pity, eyes pleading for your smile in response... like they just witnessed your dreams slip to a far away place and want to say, 'sorry.' I'm sure the frequency was somewhat increased due to his unruly nature today, but when stricken with that look I feel helpless. One 'Look' can have me teetering on the edge of tears or start randomly blurting out a laundry list of Owens recent achievements- like I need to prove his worth through the his skills and abilities to a complete stranger.
I hate that look. I never want my babies to see it, to know that somebody feels sorry for me because of their challenges. As they get older I don't know how we'll shelter them from it. I suppose we can't. We choose to celebrate the activities and skills our children CAN DO... the things they can't do are just hurdles for now- we'll get there! I assure you our dreams of a perfect family and healthy successful children are not lost, they are living, breathing and thriving! While those dreams have changed course a bit, they are still very alive and well. Until then, if you see a family like ours out and about don't look at them and mourn the little things lost, give them a BIG SMILE, cheerfully greet them and celebrate the blessings that they have been given.
Love, Hugs & Prayers, Sarah
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Weighing the possibilities..
I have to admit- my health, weight and working out are not usually on the top of my list of things to talk about, but they are an important part of the list regardless. I decided tonight to blog about it, because just like all of the other subjects I write about- it's one that's on the tip of my consciousness as of late.
I've never been excessively heavy, but certainly have been overweight. I've slacked off for the years prior to us starting a family. After high school I didn't watch what I ate, I didn't exercises regularly and I didn't mind. I was comfortable. That was a big mistake. While pregnant with Ashton I tipped the scale over the 200 mark! For the last four years (since Ashton was born) I have been on a journey to seek my inner health nut and whip my behind back in shape. So far I have had moderate success and have lost over 40 lbs since my peak, I have 15-20 more to go before I'll really feel good about things. Like most journeys, there have been a fair share of pit stops and pitfalls. Between three pregnancies and the weight loss/gain cycle my closet is a disaster!!! I know this journey is forever long, it's a lifestyle I have chosen for myself. I can tell you the caloric value of nearly all foods and the proper serving size- to be honest it borders on obsessive. Losing and maintaining proper weight is mathematical to me... calories in - calories expended = net loss or gain. You can't cheat it, it's a proven formula. You can however add exponential value to the variable by choosing more nutritious foods over ones that are filled with carbs , fat & empty calories.
Last year with the death of my Mom, I had a reality check. She died of heart failure at the young age of 52. My Dad is 64 and has had two heart attacks and a quadruple bypass. No immediate relative paternal or maternal has lived past the age of 70... CRAP!
This factoid rolled around in my head since September 2010. It wasn't until September 2011 I spewed it onto our family doctor during my yearly health check. I was scared to even bring it up, but I did... I've got too much to live for. Since the birth of our babies I've developed this overwhelming sense of mortality. I've been given a front row tickets to too many funerals for loved ones lost too soon. When I told our doctor my family health history I thought he might tip over, but instead we put our heads together and made a plan. I need to be active at a minimum of three days a week or MORE! I need to be conscious of what I eat, I need to lose more weight, I need to be in tune to my body, I need to keep up with annual labs and have a full cardio work-up by the time I'm 30.
After my appointment I felt a bit defeated. Hmpf. It's easy to feel scorned by those who don't even have to be try to be healthy, because it's not in my genetics. It's easy to feel defeated by the extra slice of pizza that you wish you could have. It's easy to feel that so many people need you that needing time for yourself is unrealistic. It's easy to just watch TV and skip a workout. It's easy to give up.... all of those things are easy, they are also excuses.
For me the time for the easy excuses has ended; I've got too much to live for. It's time for the easy answers. It's easy to stand on the scale EVERY morning and understand that tomorrows number will be reflected in how I live today. It's easy to look at my children and husband and find the inspiration to workout. It's easy to change a little. I'm pledging to do what I can to extend the years that genetics has handed me. I can't bear to look at my life and think that according to my family tree my life is nearly half over. Nope- that's not acceptable. It's never too late to start now. So, if the shoes fit- put them on and get moving. If they don't- what a great reason to go shopping!!!
I've never been excessively heavy, but certainly have been overweight. I've slacked off for the years prior to us starting a family. After high school I didn't watch what I ate, I didn't exercises regularly and I didn't mind. I was comfortable. That was a big mistake. While pregnant with Ashton I tipped the scale over the 200 mark! For the last four years (since Ashton was born) I have been on a journey to seek my inner health nut and whip my behind back in shape. So far I have had moderate success and have lost over 40 lbs since my peak, I have 15-20 more to go before I'll really feel good about things. Like most journeys, there have been a fair share of pit stops and pitfalls. Between three pregnancies and the weight loss/gain cycle my closet is a disaster!!! I know this journey is forever long, it's a lifestyle I have chosen for myself. I can tell you the caloric value of nearly all foods and the proper serving size- to be honest it borders on obsessive. Losing and maintaining proper weight is mathematical to me... calories in - calories expended = net loss or gain. You can't cheat it, it's a proven formula. You can however add exponential value to the variable by choosing more nutritious foods over ones that are filled with carbs , fat & empty calories.
Last year with the death of my Mom, I had a reality check. She died of heart failure at the young age of 52. My Dad is 64 and has had two heart attacks and a quadruple bypass. No immediate relative paternal or maternal has lived past the age of 70... CRAP!
This factoid rolled around in my head since September 2010. It wasn't until September 2011 I spewed it onto our family doctor during my yearly health check. I was scared to even bring it up, but I did... I've got too much to live for. Since the birth of our babies I've developed this overwhelming sense of mortality. I've been given a front row tickets to too many funerals for loved ones lost too soon. When I told our doctor my family health history I thought he might tip over, but instead we put our heads together and made a plan. I need to be active at a minimum of three days a week or MORE! I need to be conscious of what I eat, I need to lose more weight, I need to be in tune to my body, I need to keep up with annual labs and have a full cardio work-up by the time I'm 30.
After my appointment I felt a bit defeated. Hmpf. It's easy to feel scorned by those who don't even have to be try to be healthy, because it's not in my genetics. It's easy to feel defeated by the extra slice of pizza that you wish you could have. It's easy to feel that so many people need you that needing time for yourself is unrealistic. It's easy to just watch TV and skip a workout. It's easy to give up.... all of those things are easy, they are also excuses.
For me the time for the easy excuses has ended; I've got too much to live for. It's time for the easy answers. It's easy to stand on the scale EVERY morning and understand that tomorrows number will be reflected in how I live today. It's easy to look at my children and husband and find the inspiration to workout. It's easy to change a little. I'm pledging to do what I can to extend the years that genetics has handed me. I can't bear to look at my life and think that according to my family tree my life is nearly half over. Nope- that's not acceptable. It's never too late to start now. So, if the shoes fit- put them on and get moving. If they don't- what a great reason to go shopping!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)