My Mom had struggles of her own. There were years she was a really great mom and there were times that fighting her own demons took her away from me, from my sister and my brother. My mom was not the mom of Hallmark movies, but I would give up every Mother's Day just to talk one more time. Even though my own mom's struggles often took her out of my life for days and years at a time, I knew she was still out there and I found comfort in that the same way you find comfort in knowing the sun will rise every morning. The sun rising is not something I actively acknowledge every single day, but if the sun suddenly stopped shining my world would be turned upside down. When my Mom died it was like cosmos that align my world shifted just enough to add a few extra minutes of darkness to each day. Some days it's not a big deal, but every now and then I'm reminded just how great a few more minutes of sun would be.
When Kiera was even smaller than she is today, she asked me to get her a snack because she couldn't reach. I jokingly asked her what I would do for her when she got bigger. She said, "Be my friend." I will never forget that moment as long as I live. Her quick and confident answer filled my heart with so much happiness. Even as a tiny child she knew that time would change our relationship, but there would always be a place for me in her world. The place in my world that held my mom is now a dark star in my universe. Bits of stardust still mark her place in the sky and every Mother's Day it's like that stardust eclipses the sun for a few minutes and it's unavoidable to not acknowledge the sadness that her passing has left in my life.
This Mother's Day if you have a mother somewhere on this earth, give thanks. Give thanks for all she is and all she's not, for the good days and the days she wasn't there, for every hug and every fight you ever had with her, for the good memories and for the ones that made you stronger- give thanks. Because for 9 months she chose you. Because even if she was absent in every moment since the day you were born, for nine months she chose to put you ahead of her own ambitions, her own life, and above all else she chose you... and if you are thankful for your own life, take a moment one day a year to be thankful for her.
Trudy Darlene Kubista 1958 - 2010
