Last night it was hard to put you to bed all alone in the room you share with Ashton. It was too quiet for me and I know it must have been for you. Ashton and Kiera spent the night at Grandma's and Papa's house since we needed to leave so early for your surgery.
Daddy and I got up early and loaded you in the back seat, alone. Together we drive to St. Paul, checked you in, met with your entire operating room team, and waited for the moment they would have us go back together to the OR.
As we sat in the OR room waiting for the anesthetists to get your mask ready for the ninth time in your little life, for the first time you told me you missed your brother. I'm sure because he so often is by your side for these kind of visits- he helps you be brave. I miss him, too. In these moments I miss it all- all the laughter and happiness that radiate from you, Ashton, and Kiera. It doesn't exist here. It doesn't exist in the OR or in the room where we wait for you to come back to us from surgery.
When the doctor was ready you took a few combative breaths from the mask and off to dreamland you went... alone.
I'm so sorry it has to be this way, baby. I'm so sorry that so many of you battles have to be fought and won alone. It's no surprise God has made you the strongest one in our family in sheer will power and brute strength- you need it. Sometimes your bull headed determination is a challenge to wrangle in our everyday life, but I know it's what gets you through moments like this. You have endured more challenges in your short life than entire communities of people have in their lifetimes. You are so strong and so brave. You are my hero, Owen.
We will always be there to pick you up and cheer you on when the days are hard. Please don't get discouraged when you feel alone, because you're not. Just because you can't see us doesn't mean we're not with you. Your God will always be with you, me and Daddy will always be here, your brother and sister, your family and the many people you inspire by your courage. We will always be there to cheer you on and give you the courage to win the next battle.
In moments like this, I hope your heart will always be so full of love that it's impossible for you to really feel alone.
