I'm taking a pit stop in a parking on the way home from Owen's eye appointment. I know we'll be home soon and I can't bare to wake him from the peaceful sleep he's found... so here I sit, looking for that same peace myself.
Dear God, Today was rough. Almost every appointment is. We are tired and I am trying so hard to see this through your eyes. I am trying so hard to see through tears. I am trying to take in the hundreds of appointments ahead of us that will fill our future.... I am trying to find the courage to take just one more at a time. I'm trying.
How can this be the plan? How much longer can we fight for our future? Where will I keep finding the courage to restrain my flailing child and be the face of his pain? How can I keep encouraging Owen to be brave when it breaks my heart? I have bear hug held him nose to nose with my eyes locked with his assuring him it will be okay... we're almost done... more times than my heart can handle. Reassuring him with a constant lie on my lips. Knowing full well in a few short minutes it will be time to take meds, in a couple more hours it will be time for meds and shots at bedtime, in a couple more days another Mayo visit, and next week regular speech/occupational/physical therapy appointments...
..we're not even close and today I am out of gas.
I don't have any other outlet for answers, only prayers. Please God have mercy on us. Give us what we need to keep moving forward, to always find joy and hope in tomorrow, and heal our hearts so we can to put our whole heart into the next battle. Amen.
